The beginning of a new year often gives people a sense of optimism and excitement for the next 365 days. 2016 marks my 29th New Year celebration, and I have yet to see that feeling last more than a couple of weeks. Somehow this year seems different, and this is why.
2015 was another year of big change for me. I was shaken to my core when my roommate at the time, who I had considered to be one of my best friends, turned in a way that can only be described as evil, intentionally hurtful, and manipulative. I was becoming increasingly unhappy and stressed living in the New England environment, and missing the life I had when I lived in Florida.
Through the help of my best friend in the world, I was hired into a new job and made the move back to my home in the south at the beginning of August. While crossing state line after state line, I had the feeling of relief that my life was going to be so much better than it was up north. Unfortunately, the transition wasn't as smooth as I hoped it would be. I think that had a lot to do with my still carrying animosity, hurt, and confusion from my living situation. I was seeking comfort while at the same time ignoring the things that I needed to be addressing internally.
My new job was not as easy as I was hoping. Perhaps easy isn't the right word. But I have always been the kind of person that picked up on things very quickly. I have never had trouble in learning a new job or task. This job was different. For weeks, I felt like I was banging my head against the wall with no relief in sight. It was all-consuming, and I felt like I was failing.
My best friend in the world also started a new job within the same company, and began a relationship which shifted her focus from her and I to her and him. While I was happy and always want the best for her, I struggled a lot with this. I felt completely lost and isolated with no real escape. What had I done? Had a made another bad choice in my life?
Since then, I've moved into my own apartment again and love having my own space. My job has gotten better as every job should with time. Being able to have a place to sit in solitude also has helped me refocus my views on my friend and her new relationship. I have found that he is a great guy, and I enjoy spending time with the both of them. Where the old Abby would have been jealous of her relationship or jealous because she didn't want to hang out with me as much anymore, I am able to enjoy doing things with the two of them. Single or not. Progress!
My doubts in the move have also since resolved. While going to Walmart here will always be an adventure, I love my friends, extended family, and the lifestyle here. I finally feel like I've found a place where I can settle. Where I can afford to build a life. That's not a possibility for me now, but hopefully it will be in the not-so-distant future.
I am content in the life I lead. I am no longer running from things I cannot control, and I am finally ready to make transformations.
That's what makes this year different. I do not feel as though I'm looking back analyzing the mistakes I've made. Instead, I'm looking to the future, and what I can do to better myself.
I've been reading the book "The Happiness Project", and it has given me the idea to begin a project of my own. Usually, I want to tackle everything at once. Instead, I will focus on one thing each month and make gradual changes.
First up, is work, career, and finance. Although this move has been good for my soul, it has been harsh on my pocketbook. I am in a worse position financially than I have ever been in my adult life. With that being said, I will dedicate January to finding a second job that will work around my full-time job and provide me with more financial security. I will also reach out and make contact with people in the local wedding planning business (that I do miss) to set up informational interviews on their careers and businesses. All baby steps toward my goal of financial security and independence.
I also have a year-long goal of reducing my stress and anxiety. This is where this blog comes in. It will keep me accountable to my goals, and give me an outlet for the stresses of the day. The idea is to write it down, get it out, and move on. I will also eat, exercise, and relax for the good of my sanity.
So here's to 2016! I turn 30 in just over three months, and it's going to be the year I've been waiting for.
